The Donor


By Katzmarek


This is entirely a work of fiction and to my knowledge original. If I have plagiarised any part it is 
accidental and the author would appreciate the pointing out of the error of his ways. Please! I am not the 
British Intelligence Establishment.
It is written as a work of erotic fiction so, obviously, if you have an issue with that then, 
www.cartoonnetwork.com was probably what you were looking for, young lad.


Chapter 1


Jonathon Wetherall knocked on the front door of number 12 for the final interview before selection. He 
waited somewhat nervously for the door to be opened.


Jane admitted him into the front room that was being used as an office. As usual the other woman 
Margaret was already seated at the desk.
This shouldnt take long Mr. Wetherall, Jane said, we just need a couple of more things.


Jonathon hadnt quite figured out what the relationship between the two women was.
Were they living together in a lesbian relationship? Or were they just friends? He couldnt tell. For the 
last three weeks he had absently studied the 2 for some sign, but their attitude had been entirely 
businesslike.


So youve studied the contract ah, Mr. Wetherall? He became aware that Jane was talking.
Sorry, he said, lost in thought for a while.
I asked you if you agreed to the conditions in the contract? She repeated somewhat peeved.
Oh yes, no problem.
Good. So if you are selected you should expect to hear from us by Friday. Did you bring your test 
results?
Yes, here, he replied, handing them the brown envelope.
Good. Well be in touch, thats all, you can go.


As Jonathon walked back down the path he began to wonder whether it was such a good idea after all.
All this carry-on just to donate a little of his sperm. Psychological tests, IQ tests, DNA profiling, medical 
history and, of course, tests for STDs.


When hed answered the ad in the local paper hed hadnt expected it to be such a demanding process. 
Jerk a little semen into a flask, and a quick $500. Good money for something hed be doing anyway.


The contract though had run to a couple of pages. If Jane conceived he would have no claim of custody.
He would forgo any parental rights. In return there would be no maintenance order.


He walked back to his tiny one-room apartment, he shared with his cat. It was in the usual disorder, clothes 
strewn about, dishes in the sink.
I really need a housekeeper, he thought to himself.


He searched through his CDs scattered haphazardly next to the stereo. Bic Runga, Kristin Hersh, Kim Deal, 
women singers, pleasant voices, good melodies, but with an edge, a certain something. He chose Kristin 
and put her on, settled into his armchair and closed his eyes.


On the verge of 40 Jonathon had never really stuck at anything in his life. He must have had, what, about 
40 jobs so far, one for every year of his life. He made a bit of money writing copy for a local radio station 
and the occasional voice over work. Voice overs was where the real money was but it was hard to get 
regular work. Once your voice became associated with a product other advertisers were reluctant to use 
you. Its a reality of the business.


What other jobs had he had? Salesman, truck driver, mechanic, TV repairman, none of them had held his 
interest for longer then a few months.


Women? Hed come close to marriage once but hed screwed that up. As the day was coming nearer hed 
suddenly got cold feet. A bad case of the jitters. Sue had finally gotten fed up with his erratic behaviour and 
walked out of his life. A fine woman she was too.


He wasnt that bad looking. Hed always worn his blond hair long but it was beginning to thin out 
alarmingly. He now kept it in a ponytail. He described his features as Nordic looking. His body was well 
proportioned and not showing any middle aged spread yet.


Two more days and Ill know whether Ill earn myself $500, he thought to himself.


On Friday morning the phone rang about 9.30. It shook Jonathon awake. He picked the receiver up 
struggling to clear the fog from his brain.
Yeah, whatizzit? he said.
Mr. Wetherall? it was Janes voice.
Yeah.
Im pleased to tell you that youve been selected.
Good, thanks, he replied.
I want to start this weekend, she went on, is that convenient?
Um, sure.
Ok, 2pm, Saturday?
I guess thatll be ok, he said wondering what game was on and whether hed miss it. Hell! $500 for a 
wank, he could afford to give up an afternoon.


Saturday, 1.55pm Jonathon was outside number 12. 
Youre prompt, said Jane, I like that.


Jane was in her late thirties, he figured. She wasnt bad looking, a bit plain, he thought and shed always 
wore conservative business suits when hed seen her. He thought maybe business executive or a lawyer. 
Certainly a professional type. Jonathon assumed she was a lesbian whose biological clock was ticking and 
wanted to have a kid before time ran out. Her hair was always tied back giving her a rather severe look.


Jane talked briefly to her friend Margaret standing in the hallway of the rather expensive looking house.
Do you want to stick around?
Do you want me to? Margaret asked.
I think hed be alright, he looks pretty harmless to me.
Ok, Ill be off, Ill see you on Monday.
With that Margaret left. No peck on the cheek, no lingering expression of affection,
Just friends, Jonathon thought. This whole set-up is looking a bit weird. 


Jane led him through the house to a door down a short passageway.
You can get ready in there, Jane said.
Ready? Jonathon queried.
You know, do what you have to do, Im sure you dont need instructions, she told him with a wry grin.
Oh yes, of course. He flushed in embarrassment.


Jonathon opened the door to find it was a spare bedroom. A double bed dominated but for the most part the 
room was Spartan.
Er, just a minute, he called to Jane retreating down the passageway. What do I do with it er you 
know. Dont you have a test tube or something?
Test tube? She asked in surprise, oh, I seeha ha, thats funny. Did you assume oh we didnt tell 
you perhaps Im so sorry.
Jonathon was confused.


No test tubes, Im afraid. Well be doing it the natural way. I thought you knew. Its not too late to back 
out if you want. Although it would be a pain finding another candidate on short notice. You were the 
outstanding applicant, believe it or not. All the characteristics I would want for my child.
I was, I mean, I am, Jonathon was flustered. Natural way, you mean like together I mean
Unless you can think of some other natural method. Together, would seem the only way, Jane smiled.


Do you have some sort of religious objections Mr. Wetherall? You know, it did ask that question in the 
form we sent you. You should have stated She continued.
No, no objections, its just a bit of a surprise I assumed I would be using a test tube and
We believe that intercourse is the more effective way, Mr. Wetherall. So, if you dont have a problem, 
shall we get on with it? I do have a dinner appointment.
Ok sure no problem Ill just go back there and get ready, Jonathon stumbled out the words.
Please. replied Jane continuing up the passageway.


Jonathon sat on the bed with his trousers down and his limp dick in his hand.
Get ready, he thought, get ready? How? This whole situation is about as erotic as mucking out the 
stables.
He tried to think of porno he had seen, girls hed lusted after. He even tried to remember girls that had 
turned him down way back in school. Now he was the dark avenger, stalking them, giving some payback 
for the humiliations hed suffered as a teenager.


Abducting them and taking them to a cabin in the woods, in his imagination, over the next week he would 
turn them into his willing sex slaves. They would call him master and be ready to accept him anywhere, 
anyway, anyhow and anytime.


Jonathon squeezed and stroked his unwilling penis as first Melissa, then Annette and Joanne took him into 
their willing mouths. He tried to imagine their budding teenage breasts bobbing on their chests, their eager 
young faces. So eager to please and grateful for every compliment.
Mr. Wetherall? Are you ready yet?
Shit he thought.


No, not yet sorry.
Look, what do you need? Jane said, I havent got all day.
Im not a machine, Jonathon said in exasperation. I cant just turn it on and off.
He heard her sigh outside the door.
Can I come in?
Jonathon quickly pulled up his pants and said,
Sure.


Jane had changed into a long silk nightdress. It hugged quite a slim figure with well-proportioned breasts. 
The way they jiggled when she walked across the room revealed she was braless. Her hair was still tied 
back severely from her face, though, giving her a stern, authoritarian look. She sat on the other side of the 
bed.


Listen, she said, Im not looking for a bell-ringing performance here. I just need you to produce the 
goods. Im not interested in you as a husband or date. All I want is what you have down there and Im 
willing to pay for it. That is what we agreed to. Im sorry I dont have any porno here, Im not interested in 
the stuff. I dont read romance novels, theyre not worth my time. Im a busy woman with a successful 
career and no time or inclination to have men come in and screw up my life. I dont know what turns you 
on, or care, but Ive only got one hour so youd better find the trigger soon or the deals off and Ill go look 
for someone else.
 I want to play my part, Jonathon said, But this whole thing, the atmosphere, its so clinical and 
businesslike. I need a bit of tenderness, attraction, chemistry, perhaps a bit of lust. Perhaps a bit of 
romance, even though its being paid for. A fantasy of a romance even.
For heavens sake, she said, men!


Jane came and sat next to Jonathon. 
Take down your trousers, she ordered. He shyly pushed down his pants. Almost instinctively his hands 
covered his genitals.
Good grief, were a nervous wee thing, arent we? Youre not a virgin are you?
No, he replied.
Good. Would it help if I rubbed it for you? But I dont want you groping me like a like a two-bit lay in a 
back alley, understood?
Sure, yes I mean go ahead


Jane set to work stroking and manipulating Jonathons dick. She seemed to know what she was doing and 
soon had him semi-rigid. She would pause and run her fingertips lightly down over his balls and along the 
inside of his thighs. They were cool and smooth to the touch.
Better? Jane asked.
Much, thanks. If you dont mind me asking, you must have had some pretty disastrous relationships in 
your past. To make you so against men.
One, Jane replied, I do mind you asking, its none of your business. Two, Im not against men, I just 
cant be bothered with them.  Three, I dont need the chat, thanks.


Ok, ok whatever you say. Jonathon lay back and closed his eyes. For once he tried not to think of 
England, or sheep, or mucking out stables.
Think about this, Jane said,  how many chances do you get to get a piece of arse thats willing to pay 
for it, no strings, and wont come round the next day with her big brother?
 It may help, he said, if I got a look at the piece of arse Im getting.
Sorry, I dont do strip shows.


Despite himself, Jonathon found he was getting hard.
Thats better, Jane said, Lets get on with it then, shall we?

-

With that Jane lay back along the bed and pulled up her nightdress. Nice, well-shaped legs emerged, 
which she bent up and spread. She held the nightdress between her thighs, concealing her crotch.
Cmon, hop up, she commanded.


Jonathon knelt between her thighs and edged his way forward, dick in hand.
Now dont charge in like a bull, ok?


As he neared her crotch she reached out and grabbed his penis. Taking some KY from the nightstand she 
squirted a little on her hand and smeared it on him. With another squirt she reached under her nightgown 
and did the same to herself. Jonathon got a tantalizing glimpse of her black bush.
Ok, come here thats right Ill guide you. Men never find it on their own there now be gentle.


Jonathon eased himself slowly into her, with Janes hand firmly wrapped around him, controlling the 
action.
Ok, come in a bit more you can go right in now  Jane instructed.
Youre tight!
Oh please?  She reacted, dont give me that macho bullshit. Youre as big as a stallion, ok?
Thats some attitude you have lady.
Hard won! Now shut up and push.


Try as he might Jonathon just couldnt get there. He even tried rapidly working himself at her entrance, but 
then hed look up and see the look of impatience on Janess face and hed wilt. Finally he sat up.
This is a waste of time, he told Jane.
That is the first thing youve said I agree with, Jane replied pulling down her nightdress.
I guess youre just not up to it. Youd better pull on your pants and go. Ill find someone else.
Youd better look elsewhere than the human race, replied Jonathon.
Im not paying for the sarcasm, Mr. Wetherall, go home and feed the cat.
Youre not paying me at all. How did you know I have a cat?
Ill send you a cheque for $80. As for the cat it figures, Mr. Wetherall, it figures. Good bye. 


Life pretty much returned to normal for Jonathon. By the second week hed managed to successfully delete 
all thought of Jane from his mind.


In some ways she reminded him of his ex-fianc, smart-mouthed, too sure of herself and arrogant. Sue had 
finally been one over because Jonathons wit and sarcasm exactly matched hers. By the end of the sword-
crossing they would dissolve in laughter and wrestle on the bed and then


But Jane was as cold a fish as hed ever come across and a complete turn off.


Three weeks later the phone rings at 9am, Saturday.
Mr. Wetherall? This is Jane.
Whatdayawant? I left my balls there?
Are you still interested in a job?
Youre kidding me?
No Well?




Chapter 2



Jonathons cat lay across his legs. He tried to move her so he could sit up. The cat hung onto his leg with 
her claws.
Roxy, ow! Cut it out.
Whose Roxy? Said the woman on the phone. Have you got a girlfriend there?
No, said Jonathon, my cat she dug her claws into my leg.
Be grateful it was your leg. Now! Do you need time to consider? Dont take all year though.


I would like to re-negotiate some of the conditions, Jonathon said.
Such as?
Well, kissing?
What?
Kissing! And a bit of cuddling, chat and stroking. That sort of thing, replied Jonathon. And call me 
Jonathon, not Mr. Wetherall.
Oh good grief! What does a lady have to do to get knocked up?
Perhaps you could start by not treating me like a prick with a piece of meat attached?
The question was rhetorical, Mr. Wether Jonathon Jane answered.
See? Youre getting the idea.
Dont push your luck, buster. Ill be in touch, bye.


Jonathon stretched back on his bed and began to chuckle.
Good God Roxy, I never thought Id hear from her again. The cat ignored him.
Cmon get off me, I need to take a leak.


Afterwards he walked through his devastated lounge and began to pick up his scattered laundry. Roxy 
followed him with a confused look on her face. In the end she headed for the cat-door, having satisfied 
herself her human had lost his mind.


In the afternoon, Jonathon settled down to watch the game, as he did every Saturday afternoon during the 
season. The phone rang, he hit the TV mute button and picked up the receiver.
Its me, Jane said.
Yes?
Are you doing anything at the moment? Jane asked.
Why?
We need to talk.
Do we? Jonathon replied.
Dont get cute. Can you come over?
Just a minute, Ill check my diary, he replied.
Cut the games Mr. We Jonathon, perhaps we can work something out.
Perhaps if you said please?
Listen, Wetherall, youre really getting on my nerves. Now give me a fucking answer and stop wasting my 
time.
No, the answers no, until you show me some respect, Jonathon bristled with anger.
Oh! Fuck off, then. The phone rang off.


That evening Jonathon was listening to Kristin on the stereo and was attempting to learn the script for a job 
he had on Sunday. There was a knock on the door.
Jane stood framed in the doorway dressed in a long woolen coat. A hood framed her face.
Can I come in please.
Why? Jonathon answered.
Well, to get out of the weather for a start.


Jane walked through into the lounge.
Its a pigs sty, she said.
I tidied up.
You neednt have bothered.
If youve just come to insult me some more
Ok, ok no I havent. I want to talk.


Jane settled herself in his favourite chair. Jonathon decided to let it go and took the sofa.
Im not a kissy, kissy, touchy-feely kind of person, Mr. W Jonathon, Jane told him.
I got that. Can I ask you something? he asked.
Depends on the question. Im a very private person Jonathon I prefer not to get too close. I like my 
distance. I prefer it that way.
Thats sad?
Thats not a question.
Ok, said Jonathon, two questions
You said one.
This is not a contract negotiation, Jonathon said firmly.
Ask your questions.
Whats your real name?
Why do you want to know?
Thats not an answer.


Touche! Its Joanne. Im sorry youre not getting my last name. Next question.
Why do you want a baby? You dont seem the maternal type to me.
Joanne sat thinking over the question for what seemed like an age.
I dont know how to answer that one, to you, anyway, I have my reasons.


Joanne looked towards the stereo.
Can you take off that music, its so bitter, she said. 
Some, replied Jonathon, shes not all like that. Let me put on Serene, I think youll like that.
Ok, if you must. Can we get on with it please.
Get on with what? Joanne, Jonathon asked.
You really are aggravating me, she said as the music came up.


When the song finished, Joanne sat with her eyes closed for a short while.
Different, she finally said.
I love it, Jonathon told her.
Im happy for you. Got any wine?
I rarely drink, but I have some sherry in the kitchen I use for cooking?
Its alcohol. Can you fetch me a glass please?


When hed brought them a glass each, she asked,
Who taught you how to use sherry in cooking?
Cooking is one of my passions, Jonathon answered.
Youve surprised me. Id never have picked it.


Joanne took a sip of sherry,
Why is it so cold in here? Dont you believe in heaters?
Im trying to keep the power bill down. Here Ill turn it on for you.
Question? Jonathon said.
What?
Why me?
Joanne sighed audibly,
Im afraid youre the last one. No-one even got as far as we did. I cant even buy a screw, apparently.
A chink in your armour, Joanne.
It wont happen again.
A pity. For a while there you were almost human.
Joanne scowled at him.


Question? Joanne asked.
Yes?
Why me? You could have walked out like the others?
I did. You threw me out, remember?
Yes, but you invited me in here. You didnt slam the door in my face. Even though Ive been such a bitch 
to you?
I like you.


Joannes laughter bounced around the room. Eventually she spluttered,
Like me? Haha are you serious? You dont even know me. Are you Pavlovs dog? The harder youre 
kicked haha. Oh Wetherall, youre pathetic.
Perhaps I see something in you that others cant see.
Spare me the psychobabble.
I see a beautiful woman just below the surface
Yeah, yeah, waiting to get out, I know. And youre just the man to set me free. Listen! I DONT like trash 
novels, I DONT like men with mother fixations, I cant STAND amateur Psychologists and I dont like 
YOU, MR. WETHERALL. And before you ask, Im NOT going to deal with my anger, its well founded. 
Now Im GOING.


Joanne got to her feet and spun around to leave. In doing so she walked right into Jonathons coffee table 
and crashed over the top of it. Jonathon rushed over and put his arms around her waist, to help her to her 
feet.
Get your fucking hands off me, Joanne spat. She lashed out with her arm catching Jonathon on the chin 
with her elbow.


Jonathons anger rose and he held on tighter. Joanne continued struggling in his arms.
Calm down, he tried to say.
Who the FUCK do you think you ARE. My fucking FATHER? Jonathon let go in shock.
Joannes eyes were moist. Wordless she completed the distance to the door and walked out, leaving it open.
Shutting it, Jonathon muttered, shit to himself as he went to clear up the mess.


While clearing up he noticed some cards scattered about. Picking one up, he saw,


NATIONAL TELECOMMUNICATIONS CORPORATION.


..Chief Executive


..Joanne Van Wettering..


               (06) 293 5415      After hours (06) 245 1414     
                           Mobile (021) 635 2681



Jonathon smiled to himself and put one in his pocket.


Two days later he called. She eventually answered her mobile.
Yes?
Its me.
What? How the hell did you get this number?
Question?
Dont play games with me Wetherall. This is serious, youve breached security.
Van Wettering, YOU left your calling card at MY flat, Question?
So thats whats happened. Thats theft, Wetherall.
Im telling you theyre here. You can get them whenever you want. Question?
Ill have to change my numbers, Wetherall, what the hell do you want? Im a busy woman.
Why didnt you get on the IV program?


Jonathon could hear Joanne expel her breath in exasperation.
Because They wouldnt have me, OK?
Why not?
Unsuitable. Is that all?
Question?
Hurry up.
Why havent you hung up?
Thats a mistake, Wetherall, I wont make again. The phone went dead.


That night, around 9, there came a pounding on Jonathons door. Opening it, he found Joanne standing 
there in her blue business suit, a look of pure thunder on her face.
Give me the cards, she seethed.
Sure Joanne, wont you come in?
No! I want those cards.
Relax, Ill get them, he said.
All of them.
Ok, ok.
Dont you ever do that to me again.
What? he asked.
Call me.
You dont like people ringing you?


PEOPLE yes, YOU, no, Joanne spat.
I think thats all of them, do you want to check? Jonathon asked.
Oh I will, dont worry.
Joanne carefully checked each one. They appeared to be numbered. After a while, satisfied, she relaxed a 
little.
Theyre all there, thank you Wetherall. I dont suppose youll forget my phone number?
Depends.
Dont you dare, Wetherall. You dont know who you are dealing with.
Yes I do, Miss Van Wettering. Chief Executive of NTC, thats pretty high powered.
If youre trying to shake me down, Wetherall, Ill have the cops over you before
No, no, no Joanne? For gods sake, Im not trying to blackmail you, or piss you off, or make your life 
miserableIm trying to invite you to dinner.
Good God. Are you being serious? You are, arent you? Oh for Gods sake. Now Ive heard everything.


Later, Joanne had deigned to stand in the passageway.
Ok, now let me get this straight, She said,  I come to dinner and youll forget my phone number and 
never call me again.
Right.
And your mobile? Youll clear the call log?
Dont own one.
Youd better not, I can find out you know.
Yes, CEO of NTC, I remember.
Youd better not after dinner. Look Im trusting you one hell of a lot, Wetherall. If you so much as put a 
foot wrong
I wont.
So much as call me to ask the time
I wont.
Were a State Corporation Wetherall, do you know what that means
Yes.
 It means I have some serious friends in Government and I receive the same protection as an MP if I 
want
For Gods sake, Joanne, I GET IT.
Good. Dinner then, tomorrow at six. And she was gone.


The next day at six, Joanne was prompt. She was wearing her business clothes, evidently coming straight 
from work.
You look lovely, Jonathon said as he let her in.
Oh spare me. Whats for dinner? I turned down the Minister for this.
Im flattered. 
Dont be, hes an idiot. Im glad of the excuse.
Glad to be of service, He replied.
Just roll out the food, Im starving.


I hope you like Thai food? Wine?
I could eat Manchurian dog guts. Are you trying to impress me? A Thai meal, with wine before?
Um, yes, yes and yes, Jonathon replied. He brought out a bottle of wine and opened it. This is not a bad 
drop. Not too expensive.
Yes, I know it, its ok. Better than your sherry at least. Are you putting on some music? That singer from 
the other night, whats her name?
Kristin Hersh.
Yes, that will do.
Shes good, isnt she?
Shes ok. Grows on you a little, she replied.


They ate mostly in silence. The exceptions being.
Joanne: Stop staring at me. I feel like a case study.
And.
Joanne: Turn those lights back up, I cant find the soy sauce. If you think I didnt notice you fiddling with 
the light dimmer, youre more pathetic then I thought.
Jonathon: Just creating some atmosphere.
Joanne: Theres enough atmosphere already. You should wash your socks more often.


Later Joanne stretched out on Jonathons sofa and closed her eyes. Jonathon took his favourite armchair, 
Roxy arranged herself alongside Joanne.
She likes you, said Jonathon.
Im warm! I better not get fir on my clothes. I charge you for dry-cleaning, replied Joanne. But she didnt 
try to dislodge the cat.


Joanne moved her head around, wincing. She put her hands on her shoulders and squeezed. 
Do you have a sore neck? Jonathon asked, I could massage it for you.
Dont touch me. I just get a little tense, during the day. Thats all, she replied.
Let me help, I do great massages, he replied, coming around behind her.
Just watch your step, Wetherall.


Jonathon started by lightly kneading the flesh above the neckline of her blouse.
Is this alright? The muscles are very tight, he told her.
So far. Just remember your nuts are within easy reach.
Im sorry, he said.
For?
Calling you, I didnt realise what a problem that would be.
You didnt. Its very serious. Most people on my phone list are in Government or important clients. You 
had better not use those numbers again.


Feeling better? He asked.
Good. Watch those wandering fingers, Wetherall, unless you want them broken.
My names Jonathon, Joanne. You dont have to be so hostile all the time.
Yes I do Jonathon. Dont think you can
Youre the boss of a big Corporation. You must have people skills
Of course I have.
Dont see many from where I am
PEOPLE skills, Weth Jonathon, not YOU. Youre pathetic.


You know youd be more comfortable if you untied your hair. Here, let me Jonathon told her.
Dont touch You have a lot of cheek Jonathon. Dont push your luck any further, Joanne replied.
Jonathon deftly undid the tie binding her hair back. Joanne absently shook it out.
Thats better, isnt it? he asked.
If this is your idea of seduction
So what would be your idea of seduction?
None You cant
A brush of the lips on your neck, perhaps? Like this? Jonathon pecked lightly on her neck.


I can still reach your nuts
Combing fingers through you hairacross your scalpsavouring the aroma of your scent Jonathon 
followed words with action.
Get off stop groping
A caress is not a grope. You should know the difference. Jonathon kissed her cheek.
Stop it! Joanne struggled to her feet and turned to face him, the sofa between them.


You are so pathetic, she fumed
You keep saying that 
Because you are. What makes you think you can tumble me into bed with a meal and a few corny words? 
You are so stupid.
Because I like you, fancy you
Oh for Gods sake Why am I bothering


Joanne? Jonathon said, closing the distance. You make a lot of threats towards me but do you ever carry 
them out?
I can change that
No you wont, because you are enjoying all this, he moved closer. You say youll never call again, but 
you do
That was different
I call you, but you dont hang up
Like I said, I wont repeat that
You come around yourself to get your cards, not the Police
Big mistake
And you accept an invitation to dinner. You could have got a restraining order, or changed your 
numbers
I should have
A lot of mistakes for a big executive to make, dont you think?


Very funny Now! Do you have a point to all this? Joanne asked.
I think you like me Jonathon replied.
Youre a lousy comedian
And you like my company, perhaps even fancy me
Youre deluded.
But youre terrified of your feelings and wont let yourself go
Why you jumped up, pathetic, little Joanne spluttered. 
And youre running out of abuse
Thats easy with you around. How DARE Joanne turned to go.


So whos going to call next? Me or you? Jonathon said as she opened the door.
If you try to call me, Ill have you arrested for harassment.
So youll call me then, he replied.
In your dreams, she said as she flounced down the path.
Flounced! Yes! thought Jonathon, theyd come a long way.




Chapter 3



HIGHER SALARIES COMMISSION Jonathon read, INCOMES OF OUR TOP CORPORATE 
EXECUTIVES.


Jonathon scanned down the screen until his eyes settled on, NATIONAL TELECOMMUNICATIONS 
CORPORATION.
Chief Executive, Joanne Van Wettering$1,000,000+ pa
Mary mother of God, he thought, plus what?


It had been three weeks since Joanne had stormed out of his flat, again, and hed not heard from her since. 
At times he thought about using her phone numbers he knew but decided against it.


Jonathon began to take walks past her house. He knew he was playing a potentially dangerous game. They 
had laws about this sort of behaviour but he was sure Joanne wouldnt call the police.


He had just turned her corner, on the third day, when he became aware of a car behind him, slowing down. 
He kept walking until a toot from the cars horn caused him to stop.


Turning he saw a white BMW, stopped, but the sunlight reflected in the windscreen obscured the drivers 
face. It moved opposite him and he saw it was Joanne.
Are you stalking me? she said, lowering the window.
No, I was just passing, Jonathon replied.
Oh sure, and yesterday? You were just passing again?
Yes.
I dont have the energy to chase away lost little puppies. Can you do me a favour and go home?


If you really want, I dont want to bother you.
Of course you do Look, get in for a moment, she said. Jonathon slipped into the passenger seat. Joanne 
started the car moving with a squeal and headed for the main road.


Ill be honest with you Jonathon, Joanne began. I have kept my private life out of the press for 10 years. 
Yesterday, I came close to calling the police but I didnt want the hassle of laying a charge. If the papers 
got hold of the story, and start digging then I might end up with a big mess on my hands. I dont need the 
distraction, Jonathon. So Im asking you to go home, forget you ever met me, and sleep with your cat.
What private life Joanne?


Joanne spun the car into the park gate and brought it to a screeching halt.
You have some nerve, you know. What gives you the right to talk to me that way, she bristled.
You can talk! Youve used nothing but sarcasm and put-downs since we met.
We didnt meet. I hired you. Unsuccessfully too. She said.
And came to dinner
To get you to stop calling me. YOU thought you could waltz me off to bed.
No, I thought I could massage you off to bed. I dont waltz.


Joanne sighed in exasperation.
I should have let you. Perhaps it would have been a lot less trouble.
Theres still time?
I was joking, fool!
Im not, replied Jonathon.
Yes, thats a problem, she said starting the car.
Cmon, she said, At least I owe you a dinner.


They traveled in silence to an up-market local restaurant. Joanne rang ahead to book a table.
Somewhere discrete.
Hmm romantic! Jonathon said.
So I wont be noticed, actually. If any person asks your name, dont give it and tell the restaurant, ok?
Im the mystery man, ok.
Joanne sighed again and said,
Just keep your mouth shut.


They were seated at the back of the restaurant, but off to the side of the kitchens where it was quite dark.
Nice food, said Jonathon.
It should be, replied Joanne, at these prices. Jonathon, that music, what CD was it?
Limbo, Throwing Muses, do you want me to get you a copy?
Ill find it, thanks.
I have lots of others youd probably like.
Dont bother. Just that one, it sort of grows on you.


Can I pay a compliment? Jonathon asked.
No! This is not a date. And stop staring at me, I told you before.
Question!
What?
Have you had many boyfriends?
None of your business.
Im picking no. Maybe one or two. A childhood one perhaps then someone who really hurt you, a 
real love.



Have you finished? What are you? Pushing 40 maybe? Never married? Have you been leaving hearts on 
the side of the road or is there something more, some dark side to your nature. Is there a little bit of horror 
in your past, Jonathon?


Jonathon paused, deep in thought.
Um, horror no, he said, I screw up
Why is that, Jonathon? People screw up for a reason. Usually because they never wanted to do it in the 
first place, and werent honest enough with themselves.
Honest? Maybe
Ill tell you Jonathon. You are afraid of life, afraid of success. You set yourself goals youll never reach so 
life can tell you what a useless lump of shit you are. Then what happens, Jonathon?
Um, No.
Mummy comes along and hugs you and tells you everything is alright, except! Theres no mummy 
anymore, or maybe she never did that anyway and youre still looking for the hugs
Ok, ok Lay off Maybe youre right in everything you sayI dont know
Heres the deal, Jonathon. We leave the psychoanalysis to Freud shall we?


Jonathon was lost in thought for a moment. Eventually he looked up and said,
You know? Your eyes really sparkle when you get angry
What? Oh for Gods sa Said Joanne, burying her head in her hands.


She started shaking and Jonathons concern began to grow.
Joanne? Joanne? Are you alright?
Eventually, Joanne took away her hands to grab a tissue. She then dabbed her eyes.
Are you crying, was it something I said. Jonathon was confused.
She sucked in her breath and looked straight ahead.
Im not crying Im laughing Sparkle Oh ha ha And she buried her head again.


Later, while walking back to the car Joanne said,
Ill take you home but Im not coming in.
Ok.
And dont try to slobber all over me, Ok?
Ok.
Or sparkle wont be the word. Think Mt St Helens on a bad day.
Mt St Helens, got it.


On the way to Jonathons house, Joanne said,
Youre the strangest person I have ever come across.
Thank you, I think.
Totally impossible
Impossible
I should take you down the coast and leave you by the side of the road.


They pulled up outside Jonathons, Joanne turned off the engine. As Jonathon unlocked his front door 
Joanne stood behind him.
Are you coming in after all? He asked.
Just making sure you dont run after the car when I leave.
Joanne followed him inside.


She walked over to his CD collection. It was now in some order, alphabetically.
Where is she here. Good grief Jonathon you obsess around one artist.
How so?
Theres a whole shelf of Kristin Hersh.
I like the music.
I guess!


Jonathon came up behind her and lightly put his hands on her waist.
Dont, she said. But she didnt move away.
Question, he said.
What? Her voice was a little softer now.
You didnt come in here to look at my CDs.
Thats a statement.
So what did you come in for?
Curious.
About?
Curiosity.
Huh? Curious about curiosity?
Yes.
Whose curiosity are you curious about?
Mine and yours.
Yours?
Do you need to repeat everything I say?


Jonathons arms now circled her waist. Joanne was around the same height that meant his chin was 
practically resting on her shoulder.
You smell he started to say.
Dont! Dont try and sweet-talk me. You are too clumsy at it.
Ok.
Just put this on the stereo and well sit down over there, ok? She said, indicating the sofa.


They sat down on the sofa. Joanne accepted Jonathons arm around her neck. He was acutely aware of her 
warm leg, pressed against his.
Jonathon? If I hadnt had a few wines I wouldnt be here at all, understand?
Yes.
Im not a cold, unfeeling bitch, you know?
No.
Shut up! You dont need to answer.
Jonathon nodded his head.


Joanne slumped down so her head was resting on Jonathons shoulder.
I didnt have the best of childhoods. Dad was, well, an alcoholic and mum was pretty much inaccessible 
to us kids. Keep quiet, please Jonathon. Its hard enough to talk like this, without your sympathy



She took a breath.
I learned to rely on myself from pretty early on. Studying kept me out of the way, too. I never expected 
my parents to be there at graduation and I was never disappointed.


Dad began to show interest in me when I was about 7. Dont, say a word, Jonathon. Ive never told this to 
anyone in my life, not even my mother. If you breathe a word Jonathon that breath will be your last. I mean 
it.
Ok, Jonathon croaked.


Dad began to touch me. In the bath, first and then he started coming into my bedroom. He was usually 
drunk. Have you got a tissue?
Sleeve?
That will do, Joanne dabbed her eyes on Jonathons sleeve.


Funny. At first I liked the attention. He was always gentle, you know? Id even miss it when he never 
came in for a few days. Later I became aware that he shouldnt be doing those things to me and it made me 
angry. And guilty too, I think. Guilty because I liked it he never hurt me never forced himself. I know 
some victims of incest and abuse were physically injured and stuff. But it wasnt with me.


Ive taped every Oprah show so, Jonathon, dont give me the psychobabble, please. Just understand why 
Im the way I am.
Ok, um, I dont know what to say.
Good. Much better then your usual crap.


Doesnt answer the question though as to why you want a child, Jonathon said.
No. Because the answers too simple, Im 37, I want a baby, end of story.


Joanne rearranged herself so her head was resting in Jonathons lap. She allowed Jonathon to stroke her 
face. She lifted her head as he untied her hair, then shook it free as she settled again.
You know? Your hands feel pretty nice when you get used to them.
Thanks. Youre pretty nice yourself.
No Im not. You dont need to answer every compliment.
Can I say anything?
Only if youre real.


May I kiss you? Jonathon asked.
Let me give you a bit of free advice.  Sometimes its better if youre not so polite.
Cradling her head, Jonathon bent down and kissed her. A light exploratory brush before joining his lips to 
hers.


Jonathon took his time. He didnt want to break the mood this time. Everything appeared to be going his 
way at last and he was anxious not to spoil it. So he was nervous when he finally moved his hand down 
from caressing her hair to her shoulder, then down her arm. Joanne reached up and held his head, 
increasing the pressure of their kissing. Jonathon moved his hand to her side, stroking the silken fabric of 
her expensive blouse.


Jonathon? Let me up?
Whats the matter?
Nothing, I just dont fancy you fumbling with my underwear.
Oh!
Dont give me that sad puppy expression. Just show me where your bedroom is.
Oh, sure.
There you are, thats brightened you up! Through here? Youve picked up your socks?


Jonathon was glad that he had resumed the habit of making his bed in the morning. He thought it the 
ultimate in wishful thinking, but this time, all that effort was not in vain.
Its tidy! Whats gotten into you, Jonathon, expecting company? Jonathon touched her on the shoulders 
and turned her gently to face him.
Do you always have to have a smart remark for everything?
Pretty much! Do you always have to be an easy mark?


Do you want help with those clothes?
Still asking permission?
Ok then, I want this off, Jonathon said, reaching for the top button of her blouse. By the third button 
Joanne had circled his waist and was lifting his T-shirt.


Jonathon? She whispered to his face, inches from her own.
Mmm?
Dont expect too much, ok?
Too much what? Jonathon whispered back.
I havent He silenced her with his mouth.


Between kissing they managed to shed her blouse and his T-shirt. While Joannes hands were exploring his 
torso, Jonathons were working their way towards the contents of her bra. Becoming bolder, he palmed one 
and felt the stiffening nipple beneath his hand. Her breasts were heavier than what he imagined. Womanly 
full with prominent nipples that left Jonathons mouth dry with anticipation.


Panting, Joanne sat on the bed and reached behind to undo her bra.
Youd better understand. I dont do oh, oh, ohs, she said I not going to massage your ego.
Like the strip shows you dont do
Just getting comfortable I can put my bra back onif you prefer.
No! Dont!
Jonathonuh Dont slobber.


But Joanne didnt seem to mind when Jonathon squeezed and caressed her breasts. Following his hands 
with his mouth and tongue. When she began to urgently rub the front of his pants she said,
You seem to be doing better than last time.
You not lying like  your getting a cervical smear.
Giggling she tugged at his trousers,
Get them off


Soon they began wrestling. The game? Who can undress the other first. Joanne was the winner, just, 
although her panties had been pulled down to her knees.


What are you doing? she said in surprise as Jonathon pushed his head between her legs.
Stop uh shit! careful! too sensitive uh Jonathon! oo. 
He probed her with his tongue, worked it up and down her slit and sucked on her labia. Jonathon stroked 
her legs and thighs.


Joannes squirming became more urgent, growing in intensity. Her breathing came in gasps. Jonathon 
looked at her from between her legs, in response she looked down at him.
Whats wrong? Keep going, she said.


Joannes pussy glistened in arousal, her musky aroma assailed Jonathons senses. He watched her body 
heave itself at him, wanting him to do more, wanting him to bring her to conclusion. He thought it was the 
sexiest sight hed ever seen. Her full breasts with their rigid, shining nipples swayed on her chest.
Cmon Jonathon, please?
Shuffling forward he needed no guidance to find her entrance.


Jonathon tried to pace himself as best he could. He kept his movements deliberately slow and deliberate 
and used every trick he could think of to delay his orgasm as long as possible. 


On the other hand, he used his fingers to help Joanne build towards hers. He stopped to tongue her breasts, 
rolled her over and massaged her bottom, and played with her tongue with his own. All the time Joanne 
was gasping and moaning.
For someone, who doesnt do ohs shes doing pretty well, he thought.


Her gasping built in urgency and volume. Jonathon was at the edge himself and couldnt hold back any 
longer. He increased his thrusting until he was hammering into her. 
God, oh god Joanne cried, Jonathon
Her body stiffened, she clung to him like a steel clamp, holding him in her. Her fingernails dug into his 
bottom cheeks leaving them red afterwards. She emitted one long primeval groan. 


Jonathon blasted his seed deep into her with an intensity that was almost painful. For a moment he saw 
spots before his eyes. 


Utterly exhausted they lay locked together as Jonathon slowly wilted until discomfort caused them to 
change positions. Eventually Jonathon rolled off and lay beside her.
Wellproves something, she said.
What?
I knew you had to be good for something, she answered as she recovered her breath.


The End
























